if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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