Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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