As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
