I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
40s are totally the cure
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
