I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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