Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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