i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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