She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
