maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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