I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize