honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
