im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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