just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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