Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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