can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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