I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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