You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
3 2 1 whiskey
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
