She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
