when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
