at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
