When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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