Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
