I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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