Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
