this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
