Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
