East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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