guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
