i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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