I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
