i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
