I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
