I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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