So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
