I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
