I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
