she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
