how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
