HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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