after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
