She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
