you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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