So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
