whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
