Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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