Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
