He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize