Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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