so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
