easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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