I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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