I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
