Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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