They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
