I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
