the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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