Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
