A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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