Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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