you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
