I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
