u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
